So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just gift wrapped bread.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
