I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
