How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
