I cannot find my penis.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
