I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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