have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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