Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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