I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Randomize
