Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
