I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
