So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
