they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
