There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
