I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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