Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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