And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The air was thick with penises
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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