I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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