Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
