like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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