and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
