my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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