Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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