Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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