oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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