Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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