Buhtt sex?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
