"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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