My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
