That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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