I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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