I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
