Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
