chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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