return my video game
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
