Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
