You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
she pinky promised me she was 18
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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