what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
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He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
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...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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