Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
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He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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