do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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