i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
