Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
