we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
