So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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