matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Randomize
