yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
