my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
