I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
you made out with another girl for some wings
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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