like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
