When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
