I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
