I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
