Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
