My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
