No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Randomize
