Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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