Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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