But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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