im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
50% drunk capacity currently
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
