what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
