oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
