I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
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I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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