How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
