I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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