DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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