all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
