Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
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