i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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