She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
