Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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