how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
