Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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