im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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