Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
