PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
