I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
