I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
